October 4, 2014

10/4/2014. Still in Ludington, Michigan, in a motel hiding from the rain, courtesy of two good friends. The one friend called and asked, “Why are you not staying Saturday, you love college football right?” So, here I am .

This was on my mind this morning and is for all those who’ve lost children and other loved ones, and as a valuable lesson for those who’ve not yet had this heart breaking experience:

Fifteen years ago I lost my little boy. Nine years ago I lost my little girl. Yet, standing in a grocery store yesterday, the pain came rushing into my heart like a hurricane and the tears poured. I just stood there, knowing it would eventually pass. Please do not tell me that I will eventually find peace and will eventually come to terms with the deaths of my babies. Because, I have come to terms with it and I am at peace within. I do not want the pain to go away, ever! I’ve learned to use the energy of my pain because I now realize it is never going to go away. Time has given me more experience in dealing with a pain that will never go away. How could it possibly go away, they are my babies, they are part of me. I welcome the reminder of my two precious children. I use the energy of my pain to help others. I’m asked often, “Aren’t you afraid out there on the road all alone?” Afraid of what? Just what the hell can anyone do to me? I lost both my babies! I’ve died twice. Please use the energy of your pain to grow from, to learn more about Life, to learn to Love more, and most of all, to help others. It’s not easy to convert the easily and innocently accepted self-pity associated with grief, to the, oh so powerful, self-reliance. It becomes easier though with the realization, it is exactly what your lost loved one would want. Remember, they loved you too!!!! LOVE LIFE my friends and do not stop defeating the attacks of negative thoughts until you are able to find the joy and the beauty of Life quickly after each morning wake up, for the rest of your precious Life.

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