May 16, 2014

5/16/14. Taking a little side trip. My friend, Doug Sheehy, who lost his son, Remembering Smoke jumper Luke Sheehy USFS, in June just last year, has invited me to attend the Wild land Firefighters Foundation’s annual family day for survivors of those killed in the line of duty, being held over the weekend in Boise. What an absolute honor! There were 32 killed last year!

I had to get off U.S. route 12 and onto ID route 13 and go into Grangeville, Idaho, where I will be picked up by Sarah, who will take me to a town about halfway to Boise to be picked up by Luke Sheehy’s best friend, Kyle, and then taken the rest of the way into Boise. I was dreading climbing the steep grade several miles long into Grangeville when Steve Fox, owner of the Hilltop Café in Grangeville stopped and offered me a ride. As it was a side trip off my regular route, I jumped right in! And then Steve treated me to lunch at his restaurant.

A very good friend just contacted me and said he had a friend who has just lost yet another friend to suicide. He said the friends answer was, “The more I love, the more I lose.” He said he didn’t have the words for that. Here is what I told my friend:

“I’ve lost both my children, whom I loved more than anything else in the world. In their honor, I’ve taken my eyes off my intense pain of losing them and allowed the energy from that pain to be used instead in making myself a better person, a happier person, which is what my children would want. Negatives never ever accomplish anything. I see, “The more you love, the more you lose.” as the epitome of a negative statement. It is not easy to divert the energy of our grief away from ourselves and use it toward becoming a better person for the benefit of others. “Your pain is the breaking of the shell which encloses your understanding.” ~ Kahlil Gibran.”