March 30, 2014

3/30/14. Will leave Burney shortly. I had to go five miles out of my way to get here so that puts me ten miles from Burney Falls. I hope to see them if it’s not pouring rain when I get there. If so, I’ll see them one day when I come back in a car.

Life became my mentor during my solitude following the death of my handsome son, Stephen (Stevie) Lee Fugate, and then my beautiful daughter, Michelle (Shelly) Lynn Fugate Morgan. Life can teach us all we need to know to survive our particular environment, our particular circumstances, if we allow life to do so. As Kahlil Gibran said, “Pain is an unseen and powerful hand that breaks the skin of the stone in order to extract the pulp. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”

Had I allowed self-pity to persist in my life after the deaths of both my children, I would either no longer be on this earth or I would have gone completely insane. The single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life other than bury both my babies, was to convert my heart wrenching pain into a positive energy directed at others and away from myself. The world is changed each time one of us gets our eyes off ourselves and allows our real purpose in life, love and concern for our fellow human being, to come forward. The anchor weighing us down, self-pity, is then converted to self-reliance, a life preserver, to keep us afloat and to share with others. If you’ve lost a loved one, you cannot bring them back. So, in respect to their memory, why not give them what they would want, your joy in life. Remember, they loved you too! Allow that void they left inside of you to be filled with love and make them proud of you. I live my life as though Shelly and Stevie are right there watching my every action. I work at making my babies proud of their daddy.

Someone once stated very simply, “If you want to be happy in this life forget about yourself.” Yes, it works. LOVE LIFE and reap the benefits… LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.

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